Marshmallow Strategies: Using Self-Regulation to Our Advantage
While writing the previous post, I kept encountering keywords like adulting, self-discipline, and time management. The deeper I dug, the clearer it became: our ability to complete tasks depends on personality traits, learned techniques, and other factors. Ambitious people with confidence likely focus on bigger rewards, while those with low self-esteem often doubt their abilities and settle for immediate gratification.
Each individual should decide how they want to spend their time. Although society tends to praise overachievers, that doesn’t mean they’re always happy or guaranteed success. Burnout is more common than people admit. There are many reasons we procrastinate, including health and safety. Hence, putting things off doesn’t suggest a personal flaw. Yet, the consequences might be significant. For instance, putting off exercise can hurt your health, and delaying tasks can slow your progress at school or work.
Self-regulation can’t guarantee success, but it helps you mitigate negative outcomes and optimize your potential.
Psychologists once conducted an experiment in which they put a marshmallow in front of a four-year-old. The child was left alone with the treat and told they could eat it right away or wait until the researcher came back to get a second marshmallow. Some kids thought, “Lucky me! I got a marshmallow,” and ate it right away, while others waited, thinking, “I want two marshmallows. Don’t eat it now.”
This experiment is a cute example of self-regulation in kids. Adults, though, usually weigh the risks and benefits of acting on their impulses based on experience. Many adults control their urges to avoid negative outcomes, not just to get bigger rewards.
For example, someone might skip eating a whole pint of ice cream because they know it will upset their stomach, or avoid buying lottery tickets to save money. They might also hold back from snapping at a difficult coworker to protect their reputation. In many situations, self-regulation is about choosing your battles wisely.
Research suggests that self-regulation supports our careers, health, and even relationships, since compromise is sometimes necessary for the long term. Life may be short, but it’s often long enough to achieve your goals and more.
In a way, life is a lot like conditioning. Think about how dogs are trained—they learn to resist temptation to earn rewards. With enough practice, they start doing things naturally, even without treats. People can do the same by practicing self-regulation. It’s said that forming a habit takes about three months, and during that time, you’ll have both good and bad days. Some days you won’t feel like working out, while other days you’ll notice that exercise clears your mind. After about ninety days, daily walks become second nature, and you don’t have to remind yourself anymore. Self-regulation is really the result of conditioning in many scenarios.
So how do we resist the urge for instant comfort and stay focused on our bigger goals?
Experts suggest setting yourself up for success by creating helpful reminders and reducing distractions. This isn’t about being hard on yourself. For example, if you want to get in better shape, you might lay out your workout clothes the night before, swap a chocolate bar for a chocolate protein shake, or avoid passing by a tempting doughnut shop on your way to work.
As an aspiring author, I’ve learned that setbacks are just part of the journey. I tried to build a writing routine, but some days my motivation was low, or other things got in the way. Still, as long as you return to your routine, you’re doing fine. Consistency doesn’t mean perfection, and it’s not about reaching a milestone every day.
Self-regulation is about staying on track overall and moving toward your goals, even when you stumble. It’s like a marshmallow that bounces back to its shape, no matter how much it’s squeezed.
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On a personal note, sometimes self-compassion is more important than self-regulation.
After finishing this draft, I checked my email and saw another rejection. It felt like all my hard work and positive thinking since New Year’s was wasted. Even strong determination can fall apart when you get bad news. It’s like caring for a field—watering it, planting seeds, doing everything right—but all you notice is the unpleasant smell of manure. 💩
Trying to toughen up doesn’t always help. Sometimes, you just need to step away and give yourself space to breathe. In those moments, it’s okay to let your emotions out instead of trying to control them.
Rejection has an upside: you might have dodged a bad situation. If someone treats your application like trash, that’s a warning sign. Before applying, we tend to see things through rose-colored glasses. After rejection, we notice the reality behind the appealing ad.
Another thing: waiting for rewards can also disappoint because we humans have a tendency to build up and romanticize the dream-come-true moment in our heads. Ever waited in line for a cookie, only to find it not as good as you hoped? Or lost weight through strict dieting and workouts, only to have friends worry instead of admire you? 💋
Remember, you probably won’t even recall how you feel right now in ten years. Even strong emotions fade with time. Focusing on what will matter to you in the future—like spending extra time with your pet💖—can be more rewarding than just trying to cheer yourself up. Most animal lovers wish they had spent more time with their pets and regret it if they don’t. So, keep your dreams close and make the most of the present.
Self-care shouldn’t be something you turn to only when things go wrong. And honestly, no dream is worth giving up chocolate for good.